Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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