This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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