Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
