alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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