using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
