i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
