dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
