he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Will exercising make me less horny?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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