Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Randomize
