In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
