the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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