he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
