we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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