I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
