she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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