Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
