Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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