FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
