im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
