this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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