i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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