He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
