Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
