If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
