I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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