Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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