Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
