Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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