What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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