I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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