all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
