the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
