i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
