he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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