I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
