Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
