You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
