My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
