At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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