I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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