Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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