And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
