I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
