Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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