Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
