I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize