Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
You can't special order awesome
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
