shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
