All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Well I just put wine in my tea
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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