Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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