I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
