I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
