I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
