are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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