I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
