nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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