I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
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the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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