I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
