Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
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So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
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My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i out mim tonsoeep
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