It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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