White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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