My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Randomize
