So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
