So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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