I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
