Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
pray to the hookup gods
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Randomize
