my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
