Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Are we still banned from the library?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
