She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
