last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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