Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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