I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I FOUND THE LEGS
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
