wrigley field is MILF paradise
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
