he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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