The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
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I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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