You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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