I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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