It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
