So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
